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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Iraq Now Longer Than WWII

The war in Iraq has now lasted longer than the U.S.'s involvement in World War II. What do you think?
  • "The Iraq war may last longer, but I guarantee you that both wars will end the same way: with the complete destruction of the Japanese."

    Helen Wright Meat Packer
  • "Hooray! Does this mean that we are now the greatest generation?"

    Leo Daives County Assessor
  • "Yes, but did we support our troops then as much as we do today?"

    Dylan Mitchell Systems Analyst

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