adBlockCheck

Recent News

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
End Of Section
  • More News

Iraq Troops Complain

Last week, troops complained to Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld about extended deployments and poor equipment. What do you think?
  • "The inability to leave a war zone and lack of safety are the two exact reasons I decided not to join the military."

    Joy Parks Systems Analyst
  • "I'm so confused. In times of war, should I support the troops or the president?"

    Neil Dawson Farmworker
  • "Don't they know about the military's 'don't ask, don't tell' policy on the 'when do we get to go home?' question?"

    Dustin O'Brien Fire Fighter
  • "If those troops keep griping and grousing, I don't think they're going to be named Time's Person of the Year again any time soon."

    Lewis Richards Lab Supervisor
  • "Years from now, our troops will look back at the war in Iraq and wonder why they haven't been allowed to go home yet."

    Clinton Rhodes Film Editor
  • "Man, all the troops do these days is bitch, bitch, die unnecessarily, and bitch."

    Heidi Williamson Teacher
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close
settings