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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Iraq Troops Complain

Last week, troops complained to Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld about extended deployments and poor equipment. What do you think?
  • "The inability to leave a war zone and lack of safety are the two exact reasons I decided not to join the military."

    Joy Parks Systems Analyst
  • "I'm so confused. In times of war, should I support the troops or the president?"

    Neil Dawson Farmworker
  • "Don't they know about the military's 'don't ask, don't tell' policy on the 'when do we get to go home?' question?"

    Dustin O'Brien Fire Fighter
  • "If those troops keep griping and grousing, I don't think they're going to be named Time's Person of the Year again any time soon."

    Lewis Richards Lab Supervisor
  • "Years from now, our troops will look back at the war in Iraq and wonder why they haven't been allowed to go home yet."

    Clinton Rhodes Film Editor
  • "Man, all the troops do these days is bitch, bitch, die unnecessarily, and bitch."

    Heidi Williamson Teacher
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