adBlockCheck

Iraq Troops Complain

Top Headlines

Recent News

Report: Someone Needs To Get Chips And Dip Away From Area Man

EDISON, NJ—Repeatedly emphasizing that the ruffled potato chips and accompanying French onion dip were just too good, a report released Thursday confirmed that someone needs to get them away from local partygoer Ian Ashcraft before he eats the whole thing.

Obama Resigns From Presidency After Michelle Lands Dream Job In Seattle

‘It’s Time I Made Some Sacrifices For This Family,’ Reports President

WASHINGTON—Saying his wife of 24 years had already sacrificed so much for the sake of his career and that it was time to return the favor, Barack Obama announced Wednesday his resignation as president of the United States of America, effective immediately, following news that Michelle Obama had landed her dream job in Seattle.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Nightlife

Ugh, This A Place Where Bartenders Wear Bow Tie

PITTSBURGH—Saying they should have known from the moment they walked in the unmarked speakeasy entrance and spotted the extensive wood paneling, customers confirmed Friday that, ugh, this is one of those places where the bartenders all wear bow ties.

Iraq Troops Complain

Last week, troops complained to Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld about extended deployments and poor equipment. What do you think?
  • "The inability to leave a war zone and lack of safety are the two exact reasons I decided not to join the military."

    Joy Parks
    Systems Analyst
  • "I'm so confused. In times of war, should I support the troops or the president?"

    Neil Dawson
    Farmworker
  • "Don't they know about the military's 'don't ask, don't tell' policy on the 'when do we get to go home?' question?"

    Dustin O'Brien
    Fire Fighter
  • "If those troops keep griping and grousing, I don't think they're going to be named Time's Person of the Year again any time soon."

    Lewis Richards
    Lab Supervisor
  • "Years from now, our troops will look back at the war in Iraq and wonder why they haven't been allowed to go home yet."

    Clinton Rhodes
    Film Editor
  • "Man, all the troops do these days is bitch, bitch, die unnecessarily, and bitch."

    Heidi Williamson
    Teacher

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close