adBlockCheck

Recent News

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.
End Of Section
  • More News

Iraq War Vets With PTSD

Thousands of Iraq war veterans with post-traumatic stress disorder say the U.S. Army isn't providing them with adequate treatment. What do you think?
  • "Well, if you think post-traumatic stress is a problem for American soldiers, you should check out how it affects the Iraqi citizens. Some of these guys are going out of their minds."

    Samantha Frank Systems Analyst
  • "I know combat-stressed vets have been involved in a few embarrassing incidents recently, but it's nothing that can't be blamed on video games."

    Dean Reagan Fuller Caterer
  • "Listen, I served two tours. War changes people, but it's not the kind of thing that DOWN! GET THE FUCK DOWN! REBELS ON THE RIDGELINE! TAKE COVER BEHIND THE OLIVE GARDEN!"

    Fulton Lott Veteran
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close