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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.
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Iraq War Vets With PTSD

Thousands of Iraq war veterans with post-traumatic stress disorder say the U.S. Army isn't providing them with adequate treatment. What do you think?
  • "Well, if you think post-traumatic stress is a problem for American soldiers, you should check out how it affects the Iraqi citizens. Some of these guys are going out of their minds."

    Samantha Frank Systems Analyst
  • "I know combat-stressed vets have been involved in a few embarrassing incidents recently, but it's nothing that can't be blamed on video games."

    Dean Reagan Fuller Caterer
  • "Listen, I served two tours. War changes people, but it's not the kind of thing that DOWN! GET THE FUCK DOWN! REBELS ON THE RIDGELINE! TAKE COVER BEHIND THE OLIVE GARDEN!"

    Fulton Lott Veteran

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