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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Iraq War Vets With PTSD

Thousands of Iraq war veterans with post-traumatic stress disorder say the U.S. Army isn't providing them with adequate treatment. What do you think?
  • "Well, if you think post-traumatic stress is a problem for American soldiers, you should check out how it affects the Iraqi citizens. Some of these guys are going out of their minds."

    Samantha Frank Systems Analyst
  • "I know combat-stressed vets have been involved in a few embarrassing incidents recently, but it's nothing that can't be blamed on video games."

    Dean Reagan Fuller Caterer
  • "Listen, I served two tours. War changes people, but it's not the kind of thing that DOWN! GET THE FUCK DOWN! REBELS ON THE RIDGELINE! TAKE COVER BEHIND THE OLIVE GARDEN!"

    Fulton Lott Veteran
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