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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Iraqi Diplomat Draft?

The State Department has said that it may force Foreign Service staff to serve in the U.S. embassy in Baghdad if they do not get enough volunteers to fill 40-50 vacancies. What do you think?
  • "American diplomats have been forced to work in undesirable postings before. Akron, for one."

    Philip Kendricks Carpenter's Apprentice
  • "All they need to do is put on some commercials that make it seem that being a diplomat is all about playing paintball and riding in helicopters."

    Sam Woodson Drill Press Operator
  • "Maybe we could try to make Iraq better. Has that been suggested yet?"

    Betsy Rufin Landscaper

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