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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Iraqi Diplomat Draft?

The State Department has said that it may force Foreign Service staff to serve in the U.S. embassy in Baghdad if they do not get enough volunteers to fill 40-50 vacancies. What do you think?
  • "American diplomats have been forced to work in undesirable postings before. Akron, for one."

    Philip Kendricks Carpenter's Apprentice
  • "All they need to do is put on some commercials that make it seem that being a diplomat is all about playing paintball and riding in helicopters."

    Sam Woodson Drill Press Operator
  • "Maybe we could try to make Iraq better. Has that been suggested yet?"

    Betsy Rufin Landscaper

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