Iraqi Diplomat Draft?

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Vol 43 Issue 44

Fancy Man Enjoys Tea

YOUNGSTOWN, OH—"I normally have some Earl Grey in the morning," said Baumer, referring to the tea named after a guy who ran around England in a wig and fruity tights.

Seinfeld's Return

Nine years after his eponymous television show went off the air, Jerry Seinfeld is making a splash with his new film Bee Movie. What do...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Iraqi Diplomat Draft?

The State Department has said that it may force Foreign Service staff to serve in the U.S. embassy in Baghdad if they do not get enough volunteers to fill 40-50 vacancies. What do you think?
  • "American diplomats have been forced to work in undesirable postings before. Akron, for one."

    Philip Kendricks
    Carpenter's Apprentice
  • "All they need to do is put on some commercials that make it seem that being a diplomat is all about playing paintball and riding in helicopters."

    Sam Woodson
    Drill Press Operator
  • "Maybe we could try to make Iraq better. Has that been suggested yet?"

    Betsy Rufin
    Landscaper
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