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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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Iron Dumped In Ocean Might Slow Global Warming

According to a study published in the journal Nature, dumping iron at sea could encourage the growth of large blooms of algae, which in turn could soak up excess carbon dioxide from the atmosphere. What do you think?

  • “Then it appears my choice to use iron to weigh down the bodies was not only practical, but environmentally sound as well. Nicely done, me.”

    Ron Upton Cable Television Technician
  • “Finally, a foolproof solution to global warming that couldn’t be misapplied in any way."

    Natalie Ciriaco Cartographer
  • “Then again, it might just make a fun splashing sound. Either way, win-win.”

    Jackson Cohen Rancher

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