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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.

A Basic Guide To Dream Interpretation

Dreaming is a universal human experience, and many similar themes arise in people’s dreams the world over. The Onion provides some context for interpreting these common dreams:
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IRS Targeted Conservative Groups For Scrutiny

The IRS is said to have targeted conservative and Tea Party–affiliated groups for tax scrutiny, seeking out organizations that focused on the national debt and those that aimed to influence citizens regarding “how to make America a better place to live.” What do you think?

  • “People might have a hard time liking the IRS after this.”

    Juan Marquez Electrode Cleaner
  • “Look, if you’re running around saying you want to make America a better place to live, you’ve got to expect some backlash.”

    Cathy Swain Acupressurist
  • “Well, if there’s one group that can laugh off an abuse of power by the federal government and move on, it’s the Tea Party.”

    Brendan Rutter Unemployed

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