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Is Ellen Gay?

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Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.
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Is Ellen Gay?

All of America is talking about comedian Ellen DeGeneres, whose television character on ABC's Ellen may reveal herself to be a lesbian this season. What do you think?
  • "Ellen DeGeneres? More like Ellen Degenerate, if you ask me!"

    Alison Landsman Bank Manager
  • "I've suspected her character was gay ever since that episode where she ferociously ate out that secretary."

    Don Steffens Limnologist
  • "Thanks to Ellen and Melissa Etheridge, a valuable lesson has been learned: Gay people can be just as mediocre and untalented as straights."

    Kevin Byrne Receptionist
  • "I think that whatever anyone does behind closed doors is his or her own business, unless the kangaroo's bleating keeps the neighbors up at night."

    Acker Bilk Systems Analyst
  • "Everybody here at the ABC women's rugby team knows Ellen quite well, and I can assure you there's no truth to those rumors."

    Kelly Howe Groundskeeper
  • "Forget Ellen—have you heard the rumor that that guy on Martin is a colored?"

    Andy LaPointe Stockbroker

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