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Biggest Announcements From E3

Each June, E3, or The Electronic Entertainment Expo, hosts game developers showing off their latest products. Here are this year’s most exciting announcements:

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Is Ellen Gay?

All of America is talking about comedian Ellen DeGeneres, whose television character on ABC's Ellen may reveal herself to be a lesbian this season. What do you think?
  • "Ellen DeGeneres? More like Ellen Degenerate, if you ask me!"

    Alison Landsman Bank Manager
  • "I've suspected her character was gay ever since that episode where she ferociously ate out that secretary."

    Don Steffens Limnologist
  • "Thanks to Ellen and Melissa Etheridge, a valuable lesson has been learned: Gay people can be just as mediocre and untalented as straights."

    Kevin Byrne Receptionist
  • "I think that whatever anyone does behind closed doors is his or her own business, unless the kangaroo's bleating keeps the neighbors up at night."

    Acker Bilk Systems Analyst
  • "Everybody here at the ABC women's rugby team knows Ellen quite well, and I can assure you there's no truth to those rumors."

    Kelly Howe Groundskeeper
  • "Forget Ellen—have you heard the rumor that that guy on Martin is a colored?"

    Andy LaPointe Stockbroker

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