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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Trump Plans To ‘Drain The Swamp’

One of Donald Trump’s central presidential campaign promises was to “drain the swamp” by ridding Washington politics of corruption and corporate influence. Here’s how he plans to do it.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Is Oral Sex Sex?

According to a recent USA Today cover story, oral sex is sharply on the rise among teenagers, many of whom do not consider it a form of sex. What do you think?
  • "That's a relief. Turns out I haven't been sexually abusing my son, after all."

    Bernie Porter Locksmith
  • "I was shocked to find that cunnilingus accounted for a full 1.3 percent of these oral-sex cases."

    Nina Hahn Occupational Therapist
  • "This is just more of the usual conservative-Christian hysteria over teenagers swallowing miles of cock."

    Roger Blauvelt Systems Analyst
  • "So is it wrong when I tell my students, 'Make love to me with your mouth'?"

    Robert Hastings Teacher
  • "These teens will believe anything the president goes on TV and says."

    Bernice Cole Medical Assistant
  • "As a teen math whiz, I can't say I've heard or seen anything about this."

    Leonard Doby Student

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