adBlockCheck

Recent News

Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.

A Basic Guide To Dream Interpretation

Dreaming is a universal human experience, and many similar themes arise in people’s dreams the world over. The Onion provides some context for interpreting these common dreams:
End Of Section
  • More News

Israel Requests NATO Help

Israel surprised the international community by requesting that NATO troops be sent in to patrol the Lebanon–Israel border. What do you think?
  • "So long as no one clues in the newbie members like Estonia and Latvia that there's a NATO Do-Not-Call List, this should be doable."

    Ian McDonaugh Architect
  • "Didn't Condoleezza Rice just fly all the way to Lebanon? And the problem is still not solved?

    Steve Mott Gift Shop Cashier
  • "Well, we have to pull those troops out of Sudan immediately. You always help the least-brown people first, that's just how it works."

    Silvia Jones Ice Cream Scooper

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close