Israel Unleashes Assault On Gaza

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Vol 48 Issue 46

Sunday, November 18

Smelly Randall will be in Roosevelt Park yelling at pigeons from 3 p.m. to 5 p.m., after which he’ll hold a brief Q&A.

Cool New Lakers Coach Doesn't Make Team Play Defense

LOS ANGELES—The mood in the Los Angeles Lakers’ locker room was upbeat this morning as players were reportedly enthusiastic about new head coach Mike D’Antoni’s policy of never forcing them to play any defense whatsoever.
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  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

Israel Unleashes Assault On Gaza

A day after killing the top military leader of Hamas in an airstrike, Israel responded to a spate of Palestinian rocket attacks by stepping up its assault on Gaza, and the conflict between the two sides has now reached its most violent level in at least four years. What do you think?

  • “This rivalry between Israel and Palestine is starting to get a little out of hand.”

    Lucio Rinella
    Unemployed
  • “With all our wars winding down, I’m glad to see someone’s still using my tax dollars to kill people.”

    Lolita Soukup
    Accounts Payable Clerk
  • “Yeesh, just let me know when it’s all over.”

    Alex Ishii
    Laboratory Assistant
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