Israeli-Palestinian Peace Talks Restart In D.C.

Top Headlines

Recent News

Man Races Against Time To Take Out Trash Bag With Widening Puncture

RIO RANCHO, NM—His pace steadily quickening as he rounded the corner out of his kitchen and made a beeline for the front door, local man Henry Parnasse reportedly found himself locked in a race against time Wednesday morning to take out a trash bag with a widening hole in its side.

Tips For Traveling With Young Children

Family vacations can be a time for bonding and building lasting memories, but when young children are involved, trips can also be stressful to plan and execute. Here are The Onion’s tips for traveling with kids
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Good Times

Fantasy Sports

FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In United States

Global Soccer Tournament To Kick Off In America Later This Afternoon

ZURICH—After the Justice Department indicted numerous executives from world soccer’s governing body on charges of corruption and bribery, frantic and visibly nervous officials from FIFA held an impromptu press conference Wednesday to announce that the United States has been selected to host this summer’s 2015 World Cup.

Israeli-Palestinian Peace Talks Restart In D.C.

Following months of diplomacy by Secretary of State John Kerry, high-ranking officials from Israel and the Palestinian territories resumed direct peace talks Monday in Washington, D.C., the first time the two sides have met in five years. What do you think?

  • “It’s good to stay busy.”

    Roger Mitalas
    Deckhand
  • “Kerry seems like he wants to help, but mark my words: The man just wants Israel for himself.”

    Kim Yergeau
    Rug Mender
  • “Good choice on D.C. Had they picked Switzerland or something then all three guys would’ve had to buy plane tickets.”

    Yancy Cosci
    Tamping Machine Operator