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Nobel Committee Awards Self Peace Prize For Once

‘Sometimes You Just Need To Treat Yourself,’ Sources Say

OSLO, NORWAY—Saying there was nothing wrong with treating yourself for a change, the Norwegian Nobel Committee announced Friday that it was awarding the 2017 Nobel Peace Prize to itself for once.

The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.
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Israelis Talk Nukes

Critics called for the resignation of Israeli prime minister Ehud Olmert after he accidentally acknowledged for the first time that Israel had nuclear weapons. What do you think?
  • "But what would they do with a nuclear weapon way out there in the middle of nowhere?"

    Dennis Eichmann Massage Therapist
  • "Now we just have to find out if the Palestinians have that humongous rock they've been hinting about all these years."

    Deborah Jenkins Systems Analyst
  • "It's one thing to exercise strategic ambiguity, but full transparency is absolutely unacceptable."

    Perry DiClaudio Backhoe Operator

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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

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