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Israel's West Bank Wall

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‘People Are Inherently Good,’ World Halfheartedly Mutters

NICE, FRANCE—Following yesterday’s terrorist attack in Nice, France that left over 80 people dead and scores more injured, sources reported that a dazed and utterly dejected global populace halfheartedly muttered the phrase “People are inherently good” to themselves Friday.

Louvre Curators Hurry To Display Ugly Van Gogh Donor Gave Them Before Surprise Visit

PARIS—After retrieving the eyesore from amid a clutter of unused display cases and movable stanchions in the back of the facility’s basement where it had been stowed ever since the museum received it, curators at the Louvre hurried to display an ugly Vincent van Gogh painting before the artwork’s donor made a surprise visit to the museum Friday.

ISIS Starting To Worry New Recruit Huge Psycho

RAQQA, SYRIA—Admitting that the recently arrived jihadist’s disturbing behavior was becoming a serious cause for concern, several ISIS members told reporters Friday they were starting to worry that new recruit Said Hassad was a huge psycho.

National Security Experts: ‘ISIS Are Fucking Assholes’

WASHINGTON—Updating the public about the deadly attacks carried out in Brussels yesterday by members of the Syria-based jihadist group, national security experts held a press conference in Washington this morning to notify Americans that ISIS are fucking assholes.
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Israel's West Bank Wall

Amid protest from Palestinians, Israel began construction on a 25-foot-tall protection barrier on the edge of Jerusalem. What do you think?
  • "Anyone can tear things down, but it takes someone really special to build things up."

    Joseph Berlin Systems Analyst
  • "A wall is a good start. It's no 'giant lid over the whole fucked-up region.' But it's a start."

    Jeff Lockre Salesman
  • "God, these Jerusalemites. You'd think one famous wall would be enough for them."

    Karla Vanhoose Tailor
  • "As a poet, I see this wall as a metaphor for something—but what?"

    Randolph Bunn Banker
  • "This plan will definitely solve Israel's problems. Unless the Palestinians somehow get their hands on tunnel-digging 'pick and shovel' technology."

    Ed Jin Driver
  • "A wall of steel and concrete may stop the Palestinians from entering certain areas, but it cannot stop the Palestinian heart from soaring. That's what the soldiers are for."

    Nan Hastings Choreographer

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