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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Italian Court To Retry Amanda Knox For Murder

Italy’s highest court ordered the retrial of American exchange student Amanda Knox and her Italian former boyfriend on charges they murdered Knox’s British roommate in 2007, reopening a case that captivated Italy with its lurid sexual details. What do you think?

  • “Look, the only thing that girl’s guilty of is being beautiful and maybe murder.”

    Samantha Niederjohn Mover
  • “Lucky. Why can’t we ever get cases with lurid sexual details here in America?”

    Curly Welker Unemployed
  • “Wow, that new pope is really shaking things up.”

    Jose Nobrega Button Clamper
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