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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Italian Troops Out Of Iraq

Newly elected Italian Prime Minister Romano Prodi said that the invasion of Iraq was a "grave error" and will propose withdrawing Italian troops. What do you think?
  • "Fuck! Now I have to throw out my Italian wine, too?"

    Jorge Previn Bouncer
  • "I just hope they don't close that charming Iraqi-Italian place in Fallujah where Mahmoud and I first fell in love."

    Sue Maines Bike Mechanic
  • "But who's gonna get all hot-blooded when the Iraqis insult our troops' honor?"

    Andre Wilson Exterminator
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