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Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.

How To Combat Harassment Online

Online harassment is an increasingly contentious issue, with social media sites like Twitter and Reddit pressured to crack down on users’ abusive behavior. Here are The Onion’s tips for combating harassment online:

Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

A Timeline Of Trump’s Relationship With The Press

President-elect Donald Trump routinely insists that he is treated unfairly by the press, while many in the news industry have openly expressed how difficult it can be to report on him in today’s chaotic media environment. Here is a timeline of the major events that have shaped this relationship.
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Jackson Jurors

Two jurors in the Michael Jackson molestation trial said they regret acquitting Jackson, and both now have pending book deals. What do you think?
  • "I, for one, am glad these jurors are finally getting a chance to weigh in on the Jackson trial."

    Stephen J. Perrault Software Engineer
  • "If these jurors make a lot of money, the jury for the next Jackson molestation trial will be filled with opportunists."

    Madeline Novak Systems Analyst
  • "Oh, this is just like 12 Angry Men, except this time, it ends with them letting a child molester go free."

    Susan L. Brady Marketing Clerk
  • "Real-life trials have such hackneyed and predictable endings. Where's the creativity?"

    Frederick C. Mish First-Line Supervisor
  • "Shouldn't they have known that Jackson was guilty before the trial began?"

    Daniel Hopkins Stenographer
  • "This is what happens when a sleazy loonball is tried by a jury of his peers."

    Meil Serven Director Of Defining

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