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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.
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Jackson Jurors

Two jurors in the Michael Jackson molestation trial said they regret acquitting Jackson, and both now have pending book deals. What do you think?
  • "I, for one, am glad these jurors are finally getting a chance to weigh in on the Jackson trial."

    Stephen J. Perrault Software Engineer
  • "If these jurors make a lot of money, the jury for the next Jackson molestation trial will be filled with opportunists."

    Madeline Novak Systems Analyst
  • "Oh, this is just like 12 Angry Men, except this time, it ends with them letting a child molester go free."

    Susan L. Brady Marketing Clerk
  • "Real-life trials have such hackneyed and predictable endings. Where's the creativity?"

    Frederick C. Mish First-Line Supervisor
  • "Shouldn't they have known that Jackson was guilty before the trial began?"

    Daniel Hopkins Stenographer
  • "This is what happens when a sleazy loonball is tried by a jury of his peers."

    Meil Serven Director Of Defining
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