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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Japan Launches Talking Robot Into Space

The Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency launched into space a 13-inch talking robot named Kirobo, which will join the crew of the International Space Station and will be used to study how robots can provide emotional support to people kept in isolation for long periods. What do you think?

  • “How far we’ve come from the days of Rudy, the sock puppet who entertained the crew of Apollo 11 on their long journey.”

    Brad Bokebza Chemistry Professor
  • “I can already see where this is headed: 16-inch robots.”

    Alexis Duvic Graphic Designer
  • “Sometimes you just need someone to hug your leg.”

    Aaron Monsour Condom Manufacturer

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