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Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
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Jeff Bezos Unveils Rocket Project

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos has revealed Blue Origin, an aerospace company that aims to send rockets into space, potentially with tourists aboard. What do you think?

  • “Finally, a fast and convenient solution for getting off this godforsaken planet.”

    Mitchell Zuro Battery Dismantler
  • “It’s truly incredible to see what billions and billions of dollars can do.”

    Sarah Nigallis Pushpin Cushioner
  • “How soon will this begin popping up as a suggestion after I buy a case of hot sauce?”

    Travis Backle Pony Brusher

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