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Jen And Vince Split

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Jen And Vince Split

People magazine reports that Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn have broken up. What do you think?
  • “Well, she traded down from Brad Pitt to Vince Vaughn, so I’d warn Ralph Macchio to look out.”

    Leanne Benning Zoo Attendant
  • “With a clunky portmanteau like Vincennifer, the two clearly had no future.”

    Tyler Samuels Surveyor
  • “Thank you so much for telling me. I'd hate to make some kind of faux pas if I were to run into them tomorrow at Wal-Mart.”

    Hector Hernandez Systems Analyst

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