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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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‘Jeopardy’ Turns 50

This week marks the 50th anniversary of Jeopardy, the popular NBC trivia show known for its trademark rule of requiring contestants to phrase their answers in the form of a question. What do you think?

  • “The answer is, ‘happy birthday.’ Did I do that right?”

    Gayle Rauser Mineralogy Assistant
  • “I have this little trick where I tape an episode, memorize the answers, and watch it later with my wife. Then I intentionally answer all the questions wrong so she never catches on.”

    Mike Harbaugh Cardboard Box Stacker
  • “I knew that.”

    Caleb McGowan Passport Issuer

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