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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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‘Jeopardy’ Turns 50

This week marks the 50th anniversary of Jeopardy, the popular NBC trivia show known for its trademark rule of requiring contestants to phrase their answers in the form of a question. What do you think?

  • “The answer is, ‘happy birthday.’ Did I do that right?”

    Gayle Rauser Mineralogy Assistant
  • “I have this little trick where I tape an episode, memorize the answers, and watch it later with my wife. Then I intentionally answer all the questions wrong so she never catches on.”

    Mike Harbaugh Cardboard Box Stacker
  • “I knew that.”

    Caleb McGowan Passport Issuer
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