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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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‘Jeopardy’ Turns 50

This week marks the 50th anniversary of Jeopardy, the popular NBC trivia show known for its trademark rule of requiring contestants to phrase their answers in the form of a question. What do you think?

  • “The answer is, ‘happy birthday.’ Did I do that right?”

    Gayle Rauser Mineralogy Assistant
  • “I have this little trick where I tape an episode, memorize the answers, and watch it later with my wife. Then I intentionally answer all the questions wrong so she never catches on.”

    Mike Harbaugh Cardboard Box Stacker
  • “I knew that.”

    Caleb McGowan Passport Issuer

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