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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
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'Jersey Shore' Cast On Strike

Cast members of the MTV reality series Jersey Shore are refusing to appear in a third season of the show until their salary of $10,000 per episode is increased. What do you think?

  • "They better be careful. MTV could decide to bring in scabs from Delaware instead."

    Christina Rainey Zookeeper
  • "Oh, shit. You don't want to mess with the goons from the MTV strikebreaking street team."

    Fred Holmes Systems Analyst
  • "That cast is so spoiled. In my day, we had Jeff Probst, a remote island, and an unspoken demand to keep ourselves looking anorexic."

    Susan Hawk Rancher
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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

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