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Jessica Biel Searches Infectious

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Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Surprises

  • Email From Mom Sent At 5:32 A.M.

    DENVER—After waking up and finding the message waiting on his computer, local man Drew Swanson confirmed to reporters Thursday that his mother had sent him an email at 5:32 a.m.

Jessica Biel Searches Infectious

According to a study by McAfee, 20 percent of all searches for actress Jessica Biel will return results infected with a virus or malware. What do you think?
  • "I choose to focus on the other 80 percent that return photos of a nice-looking woman with a phenomenal publicist and a fairly catchy name."

    Charlie Biggin Meter Reader
  • "What about combing through her garbage for a memento of some kind? That's harmless, right?"

    Kevin Pozner Labor Organizer
  • "Once I did a web search on Stephen Hawking, and my PC instantly gained 850 terabytes of memory and a 3-D holographic touch-screen interface."

    Charlotte Haber UPS Driver

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