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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Jessica Biel Searches Infectious

According to a study by McAfee, 20 percent of all searches for actress Jessica Biel will return results infected with a virus or malware. What do you think?
  • "I choose to focus on the other 80 percent that return photos of a nice-looking woman with a phenomenal publicist and a fairly catchy name."

    Charlie Biggin Meter Reader
  • "What about combing through her garbage for a memento of some kind? That's harmless, right?"

    Kevin Pozner Labor Organizer
  • "Once I did a web search on Stephen Hawking, and my PC instantly gained 850 terabytes of memory and a 3-D holographic touch-screen interface."

    Charlotte Haber UPS Driver

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