adBlockCheck

Recent News

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.
End Of Section
  • More News

Jets Cheerleaders Awarded $325,000 In Settlement

The New York Jets have paid the team’s cheerleaders $325,000 after a class-action lawsuit was filed over low wages, with plaintiffs claiming they only made $150 per game and were compensated for neither practice time nor expenses, all of which averaged out to $1.50 per hour. What do you think?

  • “That’s good. It just doesn’t feel right to be ogling underpaid women.”

    Craig Huber Corporate Mortician
  • “How can the NFL be expected to pay cheerleaders more than $150 per game when they have to set so much aside for concussion settlements?”

    Brett Boyer Barber’s Apprentice
  • “They should be doing this for the love of the game, just like the players.”

    Melinda Hassey Cracker Salter
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close