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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Jets Cheerleaders Awarded $325,000 In Settlement

The New York Jets have paid the team’s cheerleaders $325,000 after a class-action lawsuit was filed over low wages, with plaintiffs claiming they only made $150 per game and were compensated for neither practice time nor expenses, all of which averaged out to $1.50 per hour. What do you think?

  • “That’s good. It just doesn’t feel right to be ogling underpaid women.”

    Craig Huber Corporate Mortician
  • “How can the NFL be expected to pay cheerleaders more than $150 per game when they have to set so much aside for concussion settlements?”

    Brett Boyer Barber’s Apprentice
  • “They should be doing this for the love of the game, just like the players.”

    Melinda Hassey Cracker Salter

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