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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.

Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

San Diego Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow, and this year’s schedule is packed with must-see events. Here are the most highly-anticipated panels of Comic-Con 2017.
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Jimmy Fallon Replacing Jay Leno On ‘Tonight Show’

Following debacles surrounding his initial takeover of The Tonight Show in 1992 and his brief retirement from the post in 2009, Jay Leno confirmed yesterday that he’ll hand the program’s reins to Late Night host Jimmy Fallon next February. What do you think?

  • “I only watch Pat Sajak’s show.”

    Janine Van Straten Unemployed
  • “I’m just glad Leno got a fair shot at hosting The Tonight Show.’”

    Donald Manheim Sculptor
  • “This is exciting, but I go to sleep at 10, 9 Central.”

    Lou Pasqualone Adjudicator

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