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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Jimmy Fallon Replacing Jay Leno On ‘Tonight Show’

Following debacles surrounding his initial takeover of The Tonight Show in 1992 and his brief retirement from the post in 2009, Jay Leno confirmed yesterday that he’ll hand the program’s reins to Late Night host Jimmy Fallon next February. What do you think?

  • “I only watch Pat Sajak’s show.”

    Janine Van Straten Unemployed
  • “I’m just glad Leno got a fair shot at hosting The Tonight Show.’”

    Donald Manheim Sculptor
  • “This is exciting, but I go to sleep at 10, 9 Central.”

    Lou Pasqualone Adjudicator
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