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Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Jimmy John’s Requiring Sandwich Makers To Sign Non-Compete Clause

Sandwich chain Jimmy John’s has been requiring employees to sign a non-compete clause prohibiting them from making sandwiches at competing restaurants that sell “submarine, hero-type, deli-style, pita and/or wrapped or rolled sandwiches” in order to safeguard trade secrets. What do you think?

  • “You can’t be too careful when you’ve got a sandwich called ‘Totally Tuna.’”

    Kara Webster Strap Fastener
  • “The sandwich biz is cutthroat. You can come out with a great new sub on Monday, and by the end of the week it’s already been reverse-engineered by your competitors.”

    Sam Patrick Seasonal Goods Stocker
  • “They left a pretty big loophole open for employees who want to make hoagies, grinders, or po’ boys.”

    Ben Gutierrez Badge Issuer

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