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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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J.J. Abrams To Direct New 'Star Wars' Movie

Disney has selected J.J. Abrams, director of the recently rebooted Star Trek franchise and co-creator of the TV show Lost, to direct the upcoming Star Wars sequel, slated for release in 2015. What do you think?

  • “I can’t wait. I loved Lost, and Star Wars is a great name for a movie.”

    Ian Scarano Noise Abatement Engineer
  • “Why are they messing with the series? Star Wars is the only thing that doesn’t make me sad!”

    Ric La Mana Fatback Trimmer
  • “I bet he’ll keep the light sabers in there.”

    Judith Semler Well Digger
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