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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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John Lennon's Murderer Denied Parole

For the seventh time in 12 years, Mark David Chapman, the man who shot John Lennon dead outside the music legend’s New York City apartment building in 1980, was denied parole by the New York Department of Corrections. What do you think?

  • “Gosh, those corrections officers must really have something against murderers.”

    Saul Petzoldt Test Baker
  • “I think if John Lennon were alive today, he’d say they should let Chapman go free. But that would mean he would never have been murdered in the first place, so you see how complicated it gets when you’re dealing with time travel.”

    Carrie Ramos Systems Analyst
  • “He’d be free by now if he’d taken out Ringo.”

    Curt Fey Musical String Maker

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