JPMorgan Loses $2 Billion

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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  • Father Apologizes For Taking Out Anger On Wrong Son

    ELIZABETH, NJ—Moments after losing his composure with an unwarranted emotional outburst, local father David Kessler reportedly apologized to his son Christopher Thursday for erroneously taking out his anger on him and not his older brother Peter.


JPMorgan Loses $2 Billion

JPMorgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon informed investors that a series of risky positions in synthetic credit securities had resulted in a $2 billion loss for the company. What do you think?

  • "I like that crazy, freewheeling, shoot-from-the-hip style. I think I'll get one of their debit cards."

    Keri Burns
    Systems Analyst
  • "And just when I was falling in love with our nation’s commercial financial institutions again."

    Alex Hardesty
    Gas Leak Inspector
  • "Double or nothing, Jamie! Otherwise, you'd better slink off to equities with all the other pussies."

    Richard Danziger
    Hedge Fund Manager