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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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JPMorgan Loses $2 Billion

JPMorgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon informed investors that a series of risky positions in synthetic credit securities had resulted in a $2 billion loss for the company. What do you think?

  • "I like that crazy, freewheeling, shoot-from-the-hip style. I think I'll get one of their debit cards."

    Keri Burns Systems Analyst
  • "And just when I was falling in love with our nation’s commercial financial institutions again."

    Alex Hardesty Gas Leak Inspector
  • "Double or nothing, Jamie! Otherwise, you'd better slink off to equities with all the other pussies."

    Richard Danziger Hedge Fund Manager

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