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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.

A Basic Guide To Dream Interpretation

Dreaming is a universal human experience, and many similar themes arise in people’s dreams the world over. The Onion provides some context for interpreting these common dreams:
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Judge: Apple Conspired To Drive Up E-Book Prices

A federal judge this week found Apple, Inc. guilty of conspiring with publishers to drive up the price of e-books by undercutting Amazon.com’s dominance of the digital books market, a decision that legal experts say may change the way books are priced and distributed online. What do you think?

  • “It just goes to show that people who pay for things are suckers.”

    Jen Parsons Wallpaper Designer
  • “This kind of malfeasance is inevitable when you consider all the money to be made in book publishing.”

    Dave Robinson Systems Analyst
  • “Companies need to stop breaking the law.”

    Amos Hardrict Field Trip Supervisor

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