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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Judge: Apple Conspired To Drive Up E-Book Prices

A federal judge this week found Apple, Inc. guilty of conspiring with publishers to drive up the price of e-books by undercutting Amazon.com’s dominance of the digital books market, a decision that legal experts say may change the way books are priced and distributed online. What do you think?

  • “It just goes to show that people who pay for things are suckers.”

    Jen Parsons Wallpaper Designer
  • “This kind of malfeasance is inevitable when you consider all the money to be made in book publishing.”

    Dave Robinson Systems Analyst
  • “Companies need to stop breaking the law.”

    Amos Hardrict Field Trip Supervisor
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Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

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