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Judge Blocks New York City’s Soda Ban

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Judge Blocks New York City’s Soda Ban

Just one day before the rule was set to go into effect in New York City, a state justice blocked Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s controversial regulation banning the sale of sodas and other sugary beverages over 16 ounces. What do you think?

  • “Honey, pack your bags. The New York trip is back on!”

    Roy Ivernel Bicycle Assembler
  • “So I drank all those two-liters last night for nothing?”

    Beatrice Ross Unemployed
  • “Well, there goes my Pepsi speakeasy.”

    Anthony Gilhooly Feather Separator

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