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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Judge Halts Embryonic Stem Cell Research

A judge issued a temporary injunction Monday that has cut off federal funding of research involving embryonic stem cells. What do you think?

  • "What's the big deal about saving these embryos? They're just going to be thrown away and then die like anyone else."

    Randy Callaway Unemployed
  • "You mean all this time I could have been getting federal funding for my stem cell research?"

    Tom Knighton Biologist
  • "Good, maybe now that paraplegic Anderson at work won't be so goddamned cocky anymore.”

    Louise Gipp Quality Assurance Agent
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