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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.
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Judge: Insane Clown Posse Juggalos Can Be Classified As Gang

A federal judge has thrown out a lawsuit brought by fans of the rap-rock group Insane Clown Posse that alleged being listed in a 2011 FBI report on gangs has led to unfair targeting by police, finding that the federal government was not responsible for how local authorities used a national report. What do you think?

  • “This decision is going to have huge ramifications all the way from Ortonville, Michigan to Dundee, Michigan.”

    Shelby Vance Volunteer Concierge
  • “Who knew gangsters were so litigious?”

    Alan Lapple Bear Mogul
  • “I hope this doesn’t lead to Juggalos being ostracized from mainstream society.”

    Ken Gunther Unemployed

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