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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Judge Rules Against NYC’s Stop-And-Frisk Policy

Saying that the tactic was unconstitutional and unfairly targeted minorities, a judge ordered the New York Police Department to restrict its stop-and-frisk policy, a program that allowed officers to search anyone regardless of whether they thought a crime had been committed. What do you think?

  • “I’m so sick of these federal judges and their faithful interpretation of the Constitution.”

    Cheryl Fallick Braille Instructor
  • “This wouldn’t be an issue if everyone would just walk around with their pockets flipped inside out like I suggested at that town hall meeting.”

    Norval Agalsoff Jute Bag Sewer
  • “Safety good.”

    Samuel Crutcher Tollbooth Attendant
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