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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.

Veteran Given Hero’s Welcome Back To Afghanistan

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—Waving flags and breaking into cheers the moment they spotted the veteran, dozens of joyous citizens gave Marine Pfc. Victor Rosas, 23, a hero’s welcome back to Afghanistan, sources reported Tuesday.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.
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Judge Rules Against NYC’s Stop-And-Frisk Policy

Saying that the tactic was unconstitutional and unfairly targeted minorities, a judge ordered the New York Police Department to restrict its stop-and-frisk policy, a program that allowed officers to search anyone regardless of whether they thought a crime had been committed. What do you think?

  • “I’m so sick of these federal judges and their faithful interpretation of the Constitution.”

    Cheryl Fallick Braille Instructor
  • “This wouldn’t be an issue if everyone would just walk around with their pockets flipped inside out like I suggested at that town hall meeting.”

    Norval Agalsoff Jute Bag Sewer
  • “Safety good.”

    Samuel Crutcher Tollbooth Attendant

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