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Area Man Unsure If He’s Male-Bonding Or Being Bullied

Perplexed local man Russell Chambliss has no idea if the coworkers seated with him at Malone’s Irish Tavern are attempting to forge a male bond with him or cruelly harassing him, the 26-year-old shipping clerk told reporters Wednesday evening.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:

‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:
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'Jurassic Park' Author Dies

Michael Crichton, author of Jurassic Park, Congo, and The Andromeda Strain, died Tuesday at 66. What do you think?
  • "A terrible shock to fans of science-based suspense thrillers, and of paperbacks with shiny red embossed letters on their covers in general."

    Lorise Guth Dentist
  • "What got him in the end? Genetically modified monkey? Genetically restored dinosaur? Genetics?"

    Matt Clark Systems Analyst
  • "But if we can somehow extract his DNA, then we can replicate him, and all the other dead authors, and put them on display for the world to behold. We don't need to consider the consequences, let's just go ahead and do it."

    Zhubin Parang Building Maintenance

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