adBlockCheck

'Jurassic Park' Author Dies

Top Headlines

Entertainment

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

'Jurassic Park' Author Dies

Michael Crichton, author of Jurassic Park, Congo, and The Andromeda Strain, died Tuesday at 66. What do you think?
  • "A terrible shock to fans of science-based suspense thrillers, and of paperbacks with shiny red embossed letters on their covers in general."

    Lorise Guth Dentist
  • "What got him in the end? Genetically modified monkey? Genetically restored dinosaur? Genetics?"

    Matt Clark Systems Analyst
  • "But if we can somehow extract his DNA, then we can replicate him, and all the other dead authors, and put them on display for the world to behold. We don't need to consider the consequences, let's just go ahead and do it."

    Zhubin Parang Building Maintenance

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close