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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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'Jurassic Park' Author Dies

Michael Crichton, author of Jurassic Park, Congo, and The Andromeda Strain, died Tuesday at 66. What do you think?
  • "A terrible shock to fans of science-based suspense thrillers, and of paperbacks with shiny red embossed letters on their covers in general."

    Lorise Guth Dentist
  • "What got him in the end? Genetically modified monkey? Genetically restored dinosaur? Genetics?"

    Matt Clark Systems Analyst
  • "But if we can somehow extract his DNA, then we can replicate him, and all the other dead authors, and put them on display for the world to behold. We don't need to consider the consequences, let's just go ahead and do it."

    Zhubin Parang Building Maintenance

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