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Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.

How To Combat Harassment Online

Online harassment is an increasingly contentious issue, with social media sites like Twitter and Reddit pressured to crack down on users’ abusive behavior. Here are The Onion’s tips for combating harassment online:

Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

A Timeline Of Trump’s Relationship With The Press

President-elect Donald Trump routinely insists that he is treated unfairly by the press, while many in the news industry have openly expressed how difficult it can be to report on him in today’s chaotic media environment. Here is a timeline of the major events that have shaped this relationship.
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Jury: Peterson Deserves Death

Last week, jurors recommended that Scott Peterson be sentenced to death for murdering his pregnant wife, Laci. What do you think?
  • "Let this be a warning to psychopaths with photogenic wives everywhere."

    Pedro Fernandez Baggage Porter
  • "What about Laci's fetus' potential children, and those childrens' children? Folks, this was way more than a double-homicide."

    Derrick Watts Systems Analyst
  • "What's going on? I've been busy trying to keep up with the thousands of other murders that took place this year. I'm a bit out of the loop on the Peterson case."

    Sherry Morrison Cashier
  • "This story had everything—sex, death, and now death once again. I would've appreciated some more sex, also."

    Rich Hale Bartender
  • "What am I supposed to tell my daughter when she asks, 'Why do exhaustively drawn-out things happen to bad people?'"

    Warren Jacobs Ship Captain
  • "Finally, the death of little Connor, the fetus with no personality, will be avenged."

    Florence Norris Cardiologist

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