adBlockCheck

Recent News

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
End Of Section
  • More News

Jury: Peterson Deserves Death

Last week, jurors recommended that Scott Peterson be sentenced to death for murdering his pregnant wife, Laci. What do you think?
  • "Let this be a warning to psychopaths with photogenic wives everywhere."

    Pedro Fernandez Baggage Porter
  • "What about Laci's fetus' potential children, and those childrens' children? Folks, this was way more than a double-homicide."

    Derrick Watts Systems Analyst
  • "What's going on? I've been busy trying to keep up with the thousands of other murders that took place this year. I'm a bit out of the loop on the Peterson case."

    Sherry Morrison Cashier
  • "This story had everything—sex, death, and now death once again. I would've appreciated some more sex, also."

    Rich Hale Bartender
  • "What am I supposed to tell my daughter when she asks, 'Why do exhaustively drawn-out things happen to bad people?'"

    Warren Jacobs Ship Captain
  • "Finally, the death of little Connor, the fetus with no personality, will be avenged."

    Florence Norris Cardiologist

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close