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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Justice Department Rejects Texas Voter ID Law

The U.S. Department of Justice blocked a Texas law requiring voters to present a state-issued photo ID before casting a ballot, saying it unfairly discriminated against Hispanics. What do you think?

  • "This law seems redundant, anyway. Can't Texans see for themselves without photo IDs which individuals are minorities who should be intimidated from going to the polls?"

    Kathy Wakeling Sterilizer
  • "I agree. The sensitive, melancholic constitution of the Hispanic is far too delicate for the rigors of waiting in a DMV office."

    Tyler Epkins Systems Analyst
  • “The Justice Department is setting a clear double standard: It’s not okay to discriminate against Hispanics, but it is okay to discriminate against racist whites who don’t want Hispanics to vote?”

    Bob Lothian Cook-Box Filler

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