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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Justice Dept.: Justice Dept. Broke Law

An internal review has concluded that aides to former Attorney General Alberto Gonzales used politics as a guiding factor in hiring, thus breaking the law and ruining the reputation of the Justice Department. What do you think?
  • "I can't tell which Justice Department is the evil Justice Department—they look exactly the same!"

    Tasha Stanton Blinds Installer
  • "Uh-oh. I used a political criteria to choose my preferred candidate in the 2004 elections. Do I have to turn myself in?"

    Josh Craven Limo Driver
  • "I'm beginning to think I was a little too hard on Ashcroft."

    Kyle Soares Systems Analyst

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