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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Justice Scalia Dies

The death of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia has led to discussion of his potential replacement, whom President Obama intends to nominate this year despite Mitch McConnell’s insistence that they be selected by the next president in 2017. What do you think?

  • “So, what did Obama do after he heard McConnell’s idea? Did he go for that?”

    Harold Lemon Staple Packager
  • “If Obama has any sense of decorum he’ll appoint Scalia’s eldest son to replace him.”

    Lou Ferrell Illusion Specialist
  • “I just think it’s insensitive to be having this discussion now. Can’t it wait until they’re all together at the funeral?”

    Amanda Shelton Checklist Provider
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