Justice Thomas Marks 5 Years Of Court Silence

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Vol 47 Issue 07

Trail Blazers Down To One Working Knee

PORTLAND, OR—According to sources close to the injury-plagued Portland Trail Blazers, after a series of knee injuries to center Marcus Camby and All-Star guard Brandon Roy, the team is now officially down to one good knee.

Tim Duncan Urges All-Stars To Use Inside Voice During Game

LOS ANGELES—Saying he understands how excited everyone can get during an All-Star game, Spurs center Tim Duncan made it clear Saturday that since the game is held inside the Staples Center, he expects members of both teams to put their outside voice...

Area Dad Just Wants Computer With The Basics

EDISON, NJ—Wary of paying too much for a new computer loaded with unnecessary bells and whistles, area dad Paul Moyers, 52, announced Friday that he just wants a regular, no-frills PC with only the basics.

Military Releases Drone's Suicide Note

In a shocking turn of events, embattled military drone plane TR425 destroyed itself. Military officials released the following suicide note written by the airplane.

Healthy Living Tips For Shawnas

Having a healthy lifestyle isn't just about staying out of the sun (or out of a tanning bed). Here are some simple tips to help Shawnas participate in a healthier life.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Fun

  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Entertainment

Justice Thomas Marks 5 Years Of Court Silence

Next week will mark the fifth anniversary of the last time Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas spoke aloud while hearing a case. What do you think?  

  • "I never thought of Clarence Thomas as a mysterious bad boy with a dark past, but now that he's not speaking, I can't help but want to know more. Wow. He's good."

    Alex Brill
    Fiberglass Laminator
  • "It's a shame, because that Georgian man's voice sounds so elegant, sounds like it's been greased with butter and danced with till midnight."

    Paula Kirby
    Sales Agent
  • "Hey, cut us a break. We had to install that model in ’91. Back then you could either have a realistic looking Supreme Court Justicebot or one that could talk, but not both."

    Jeff Chung
    Robotics Designer
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