Justin Bieber Apologizes To Clinton For Insults

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Vol 49 Issue 28

Study: Diet Soda Doesn’t Aid Weight Loss

A recent study by Purdue University has found that, contrary to popular thinking, drinking diet soda doesn’t aid in weight loss, and that its consumption can actually increase the likelihood of obesity and development of precursors to diabetes, card...

The Onion's Tips For Treating A Sunburn

Find cool, secluded aisle at Walgreens and generously slather on any of the wide variety of moisturizers available on the shelves Place body in cool, dark hole under 5 to 6 feet of dirt For true pain relief, morphine is really the only way to go, or obvi...

Microsoft Announces Major Company Overhaul

In a bid to compete more fiercely with competitors like Apple, Google, and Amazon, Microsoft on Thursday announced a sweeping reorganization, which officials say will help the company react more quickly to changing technology and speed up development of p...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Pop Culture

Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Innovation

Justin Bieber Apologizes To Clinton For Insults

Following the release of a video showing Justin Bieber urinating in a restaurant mop bucket and saying “Fuck Bill Clinton,” the Canadian pop star reached out to the former president and apologized for his behavior, tweeting yesterday that the two had spoken personally and that Clinton was a “great guy.” What do you think?

  • “Sounds like the poor kid just needed some attention.”

    Beth Ochman
    Waterway Traffic Checker
  • “I say all kinds of crazy stuff when I’m peeing in my bucket.”

    Craig Winokur
    Payroll Auditor
  • “I’m just glad that’s settled.”

    Jason Andrews
    Ice Crusher
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