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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Justin Bieber Apologizes To Clinton For Insults

Following the release of a video showing Justin Bieber urinating in a restaurant mop bucket and saying “Fuck Bill Clinton,” the Canadian pop star reached out to the former president and apologized for his behavior, tweeting yesterday that the two had spoken personally and that Clinton was a “great guy.” What do you think?

  • “Sounds like the poor kid just needed some attention.”

    Beth Ochman Waterway Traffic Checker
  • “I say all kinds of crazy stuff when I’m peeing in my bucket.”

    Craig Winokur Payroll Auditor
  • “I’m just glad that’s settled.”

    Jason Andrews Ice Crusher
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