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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Justin Bieber Baptized In NYC Bathtub

Pop star Justin Bieber was baptized in a friend’s bathtub this weekend after weeks of Bible study and church services, with celebrity blogs reporting that the 20-year-old sought spiritual guidance in an attempt to wash away his sins following a scandal in which videos emerged of him using racial slurs. What do you think?

  • “Oh my God! Can I lick the tub?”

    Kim Perkins Graduate Student
  • “Great, now my teenage daughter’s going to be begging me for $300 so she can reaffirm her devotion to God, too.”

    David Clennon Systems Analyst
  • “Never let it be said that Bieber’s PR people aren’t bringing new ideas to the table.”

    Scott McShane Curriculum Approver
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