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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Justin Bieber Baptized In NYC Bathtub

Pop star Justin Bieber was baptized in a friend’s bathtub this weekend after weeks of Bible study and church services, with celebrity blogs reporting that the 20-year-old sought spiritual guidance in an attempt to wash away his sins following a scandal in which videos emerged of him using racial slurs. What do you think?

  • “Oh my God! Can I lick the tub?”

    Kim Perkins Graduate Student
  • “Great, now my teenage daughter’s going to be begging me for $300 so she can reaffirm her devotion to God, too.”

    David Clennon Systems Analyst
  • “Never let it be said that Bieber’s PR people aren’t bringing new ideas to the table.”

    Scott McShane Curriculum Approver
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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

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