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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Justin Bieber Hospitalized After Fainting At Concert

Teen pop sensation Justin Bieber was seen struggling during a performance of “Beauty and a Beat” at a show in London last night before walking off stage and fainting out of view of the audience, and was later taken to a hospital. What do you think?

  • “It must be that we didn’t love him enough. I’m sorry, Justin!”

    Michelle Basantani Wireworker
  • “As long as he keeps tweeting shirtless pictures from the hospital, he can collapse all he wants.”

    Orson Whittemore Systems Analyst
  • “I don’t see why he can’t perform while sitting in an easy chair and sipping some tea.”

    Marty Zorniak Gas Leak Tester
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