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Kagan Confirmed To Supreme Court

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Supreme Court

Nation’s Homophobic Bigots Pack It In

‘Rules Are Rules,’ Say Those With Deeply Ingrained Prejudices

WASHINGTON—Following the Supreme Court’s landmark ruling that bans on same-sex marriage were unconstitutional, the nation’s homophobic bigots reportedly conceded today that “rules are rules” and announced that they were going to pack it in.

Supreme Court Gathers To Watch Baby Justices Hatch

WASHINGTON—Crowding around a small glass incubator in their personal chambers for a better vantage point, all nine members of the U.S. Supreme Court reportedly gathered Tuesday to watch a brood of baby justices hatch from their eggs.

Grasshopper Dismembered By Future Supreme Court Justice

CASTLE ROCK, CO—Nearly 45 years before he is to be appointed to the Supreme Court by the 51st president of the United States, Lucas Bevins, 8, reportedly spent Thursday afternoon ripping the legs and antennae off of a grasshopper he found in his bac...

Nation Celebrates What Is, Technically Speaking, Progress

WASHINGTON—Following two Supreme Court rulings today that allowed homosexuals in California to wed, extended federal benefits to same-sex married couples, but stopped short of calling gay marriage constitutional, the nation celebrated what is, techn...

Supreme Court On Gay Marriage: 'Sure, Who Cares'

WASHINGTON—Ten minutes into oral arguments over whether or not homosexuals should be allowed to marry one another, a visibly confounded Supreme Court stopped legal proceedings Tuesday and ruled that gay marriage was “perfectly fine” and ...
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Kagan Confirmed To Supreme Court

With her confirmation by the U.S. Senate Thursday, former Harvard Law School dean Elena Kagan becomes the fourth woman to serve on the Supreme Court. What do you think?

  • "Is she nice? Because I just got another DUI, and I could really use a cool judge this time around.”

    Johnny Benjamin Systems Analyst
  • "Now my daughters will know that they, too, can grow up to be the fourth woman on the Supreme Court."

    Marianne Thomerson Wire Brusher
  • “I don't care how many women there are on the Supreme Court; I'm still going to refer to all of them as the Girl Judge.”

    Lee Barnstable Unemployed

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