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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Kate Middleton Topless Photos Published

The British royal family is considering legal action after the French gossip magazine Closer published paparazzi photos of Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge, sunbathing topless at a private villa in Provence. What do you think?

  • “That’s nothing. I know a website that has a ton of pictures of beautiful naked people in focus.”

    Jane Morrison Systems Analyst
  • “Where can I download those photos, look at them once, shrug, and never care about them again?”

    Toby Balk Automobile Detailer
  • “What a slut.”

    Grady Thewlis Kiln Operator
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