adBlockCheck

Katie Couric Talk Show Dominates Ratings

Top Headlines

Recent News

Leaked Documents Reveal Studio Executives Knew About ‘Gods Of Egypt’ Before It Released Onto Public

SANTA MONICA, CA—Suggesting that the disastrous events of three months ago could have been averted, federal investigators stated Wednesday that a trove of leaked documents confirmed high-ranking studio executives had full knowledge of Gods Of Egypt long before the film was released onto unsuspecting Americans.Investigators described those who allowed such a screenplay to be carried out as “extremely sick and heartless individuals.”

Books Vs. E-Readers

Though e-readers have increasingly supplanted books in the digital age, many bibliophiles defend the importance of physical texts. Here is a side-by-side comparison of physical books and e-books

The Arguments For And Against Bernie Sanders Staying In The Race

Bernie Sanders is ramping up his efforts in the presidential race despite long odds, while sharpening his criticisms of a Democratic Party increasingly focused on the general election with Hillary Clinton as their presumptive nominee. Here are the arguments for and against Sanders staying in the race

Report: Nobody Fucking Cares

NEW YORK—According to a brief but conclusive report released Monday, nobody fucking cares. “Doesn’t fucking matter,” read the report in part, which went on to inform readers that no one gives two shits, so fuck it.

Mom Sleeps In Past Sunrise

WOBURN, MA―Noting that she had somehow managed to sleep through both the dawn chorus of birds and her neighborhood’s early morning garbage pickup, 53-year-old local mother Laura Maloney confirmed that she did not awaken Monday until after the sun had risen.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Katie Couric Talk Show Dominates Ratings

Katie Couric’s new talk show, Katie, earned far higher ratings this week than the debuts of competing programs hosted by Ricki Lake, Jeff Probst, and Steve Harvey, becoming the most watched daytime premiere since Dr. Phil first aired 10 years ago. What do you think?

  • “These numbers must be fake. There’s no way she beat all three of those juggernauts.”

    Beverly Charmatz Harp Repairer
  • “What kind of soulless television executives would even schedule competing programs against America’s sweetheart?”

    Shane Nicastro Coffee Roaster
  • “That was a savvy move of hers to be an attractive, charismatic woman.”

    Pierre Moriceau Logging Superintendent

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close