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Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.
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Katrina Reporters "Lost It"

American viewers witnessed reporters becoming unusually emotional on camera while reporting on Hurricane Katrina, raising questions about appropriate journalistic behavior. What do you think?
  • "Sheesh, you send somebody into the middle of the worst natural disaster in U.S. history, and the next thing you know, they're getting all emotional on you."

    Norton Hewit Consultant
  • "One thing's for sure: Anderson Cooper's raw emotion and courage in the face of great tragedy have truly earned him the nickname 'Coop.'"

    Hannah Forrester Systems Analyst
  • "I don't believe reporters should be allowed to editorialize like that. It should be left up to me to decide whether or not what happened in New Orleans was sad."

    Arturo Sonorra Musician
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