Kennedy Has Brain Cancer

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Vol 44 Issue 21

Area Man Has Great Idea For Slam Dunk

TORRINGTON, WY—"I'm sitting on a gold mine here," said the revolutionary slam dunk’s creator Andy Rosenwald, noting that he himself is unable to dunk a basketball.
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Kennedy Has Brain Cancer

While hospitalized for a mysterious seizure, Sen. Ted Kennedy learned he has a malignant brain tumor. What do you think?
  • "What a tragedy. Well, not compared to John. Or Robert. Or John-John. But, you know, still kind of a tragedy."

    Brendan Ackerman
    Taxi Driver
  • "Whoo boy, brain tumor. I hope he's getting lots of fluids and rest. Or running around screaming 'I'm going to die!' Whatever works for him."

    Rodney Knollin
    Closet Organizer
  • "We're never leaving Iraq, are we?"

    Shannon Lazarus
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