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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Kennedy Re-Enters Rehab

After a 3:00 AM car accident in downtown Washington, DC, representative Patrick Kennedy (D-RI) returned to a rehab clinic in Minnesota for treatment. What do you think?
  • "I blame his rehab clinic's cafeteria for making the most addictive waffles on the planet. I've relapsed six times hoping to get another taste."

    Kathy Hollngs Systems Analyst
  • "With his upbringing, I'm shocked he's not a better drunk-driver."

    Wilhelm Greene Market Analyst
  • "My Dad used to say it's not summer until a Kennedy drives on the sidewalk. Well, he's out planting his garden now."

    David Berger Street Sweeper
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