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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Kerrey's Secret Shame

Last week, former senator Bob Kerrey admitted that a raid he led in the Vietnam War resulted in the deaths of at least 13 unarmed women and children. What do you think?
  • "Geez, you'd think he could make a run at the presidency without resorting to this kind of grandstanding."

    Myron Kannell Systems Analyst
  • "We all have skeletons in our closets. Of course, in Kerrey's case, it's a whole pile of Vietnamese child skeletons, but still."

    Peter Odomes Banker
  • "Come on. If that had really happened, he'd have an ear necklace like McCain."

    Andrew Hosch Telemarketer
  • "There are many good reasons to kill: money, revenge, that satisfying 'thwump' sound... but not to advance one's political career."

    Ike Brophy File Clerk
  • "What I want to know is, when he realized what had happened, did he throw back his head and yell, 'Nooooo!' in pain and rage?"

    Paulette Arnold Homemaker
  • "I suppose next you're going to tell me that Senator Calley was involved in this sort of thing, too."

    Denise Pillers Florist

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