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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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KFC Selling Chicken Prom Corsages

Fast food chain KFC has announced that for a limited time during prom season, it will sell corsages made from fried chicken drumsticks on a bed of baby’s breath, which will sell for $20 and include a $5 KFC gift card. What do you think?

  • “My daughter’s dress would look better with something from Burger King.”

    Bob Crider Seminar Instructor
  • “Twenty dollars? I’ll make my own chicken corsage, thank you.”

    Mary Frerichs Unemployed
  • “We weren’t supposed to eat the flower ones?”

    Philip Marchman Line Cook

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